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Everything I’ve ever known,

everything I’ll ever be

Is staring from the bottom of the cliff that’s right in front of me

And how I long to jump from this height, knowing it’s with purpose

To meet the bottom that I’ve never seen

And yet I ask myself if it’s worth it.

Let me die but let me live knowing that most of me has died

Let me live without the weight that slowly kills me inside

You know nothing of how deep this pain runs, it affects my whole being

And I’ve come to terms with the fact that I must continue to live without seeing

Is this purgatory?

Mourning what was, knowing it will never get better

Holding out hope for what comes ahead and writing out my death letter by letter.

What I’m parting with is the acceptance that your silence was the final answer.

Fear is the deadliest emotion, right beside to joy. For if I am finally content with the circumstances that I’ve found myself in, I might as well be dead. Fear can bring me out of this psychosis or push me in deeper. All I ask is to come out, if I even do, feeling somewhat human.

– SW

I realize that as the hand grips me, pulls me into the abyss, I hesitate. I think of more, and suddenly, the quiet whispers of the abyss that beckon me forth turn into howls and I recoil. The beauty of the light seemed to be a lure and from past my shoulder, I see him. His horns stood so beautiful and I felt so vulnerable. He saw through my being and stayed hidden in the shadows. I knew in that moment I wished not to go but to stay in the realm of this living. Though I feel cold, the heat I’m granted temporarily is enough to satisfy me over a lifetime and more of wishing to be where I’ve always been.

Lucifer, was that you?

There is nothing worse than a death caused by your own hands. When you feel the last of the light leave your eyes as you look in the mirror mourning who you were. As I look into the abyss, it begins to cry the tears I never let slip. I stare into the abyss and I find the light I had lost staring back at me.

I feel a profound sense of loss.

When the Red Eye, shown true color, opens up grandeur for those who have roamed the earth in search of flesh, the crimson door will open for those who have only begun to see.

Let the Crimson Door open in the wake of the titan’s fury.

Find the answer within the book and ask, “Has it only just begun?”

You will be told, “What do you seek to know? The Moon or the Sun?”

In your devastation, plead “what more can be done?”

The abyss begins to cloud the vision over the Seeing Eye and grants just one wish to those who ask. Now that we’ve told you, what will you ask for?

Let him know when he meets finds you over the bridge and through the door.

Haven’t we all felt like we were being held by someone’s leash? Something keeps pricking at my psyche. I have this compulsion to speak, to yell and scream but the grasp on my throat is too tight. It’s the muzzle for a disobedient dog like myself. The marks are nonexistent but the pressure reminds me of my limits. Very well, play your little game. We all know that the truth can’t stay hidden for long.

Isn’t it cruel? How something you once found so sweet can turn so bitter in the mouth. Have you lost your light?

Everything I try to do seems to reverberate off of glass walls surrounding me. It mocks me with every failure, repeated over and over again. I don’t know how far I’ve gone until I feel the shards digging into my skin. I’ve been pierced. Over and over again.

Please excuse that entry. Perhaps I’m feeling a bit drained. Regardless, I feel perfectly fine. I’m ready to get closer to the book Omens! I wish myself renwed faith.